Main notes from the book:

1. Very rarely a missed negotiation deadline will lead to big issues. Do not be in a hurry to close the deal if you are not satisfied. Be calm and negotiate in a relaxed manner.

2. Everyone you meet is driven by two primal urges: the need to feel safe and secure, and the need to feel in control. If you satisfy those drives, you’re in the door. So do not give them a demand. Understand their demand. Let them have the control.

3. Replace "Do you have a few minutes to talk?”  to ->  “Is now a bad time to talk?”

4. Be eager to hear "no" rather than "yes". A final true "yes" has to start with "No" to get you the best deal.

   • “No” helps people feel safe, secure, emotionally comfortable, and in control of their decisions.

   • How to force no?

     1. “It seems like you want this project to fail” - that can only be answered negatively.

     2. Do you want this to hinder XXX's success?

5.  Use a summary to trigger a “that’s right.” The building blocks of a good summary are a label combined with paraphrasing. Identify, rearticulate, and emotionally affirm “the world according to …”

6. Before you convince your counterpart to see what you’re trying to accomplish, you have to say the things to them that will get them to say, “That’s right.”

7. “That’s right” is better than “yes.” Strive for it. Reaching “that’s right” in a negotiation creates breakthroughs.

8. Let the other party make the first proposal. First anchor in any negotiation. 

   • Benefit: You might get a better deal than your minimum accepted deal. 

   • Risk: You need to be careful not to let the anchor given to you bend your reality.

9. Never say an exact range … but hint good. Rather than saying 100k for a role, tell … 130k is what others are getting for a similar role. This way you do not make the other party defensive and keep the talks going on.

10. Negotiate on non-monetary terms … offer them things that are not important for you but for them. And ask for things important to you in exchange.

11. Always go for odd numbers. A rounded no. sounds like a guess. An exact odd number sounds like a number that came after thoughtful calculation

12. Extreme anchor and then a relaxation helps you change their reality and then get to what you actually want.

13. Don’t compromise. Meeting halfway often leads to bad deals for both sides

14. Salary hikes

1. • 1. Try for non-salary terms as good as possible (it helps create a good emotional anchoring)

     2. Once you’ve negotiated a salary, make sure to define success for your position — as well as metrics for your next raise

15. Deadline pressures make people rush and take wrong decisions against their best interests

16. When somebody says it is a "Fair" offer, politely ask them to explain how your requirements are unfair to them and what they are offering is the only fair deal?

17. Do extreme anchoring so that your final offer sounds reasonable and good to them.

18. Use calibrated questions to disarm your opponent, make them feel in control, bring them in problem solving mode like a friend

1. • • "how am I supposed to do that?"

     • "how can I help to make this better for us?"

     • "how can we solve this problem?"

     • "how would you like me to proceed?"

19. Regulate your emotions to have any chances of coming on top.

20. Ask "how or what" never ask "why"

1. • • "how" questions are a better way of saying "no" which even forces the party to solve the problem on your behalf and come to a good solution.

     • By using "how" and bringing them to your solution or a good solution, you make the solution theirs and thus they are more committed to make it happen.

     • When they say "I will try", ask them "how". And when they explain how, follow it up with complete summary to get "that's right"

     • "What" … is the biggest challenge we face, what … are we up against here etc.

21. Say no 4 times:

1. • • "how am I supposed to do that"

     • Thanks for the generous offer, I am sorry, but it doesn't work for me

     • I am sorry, I am afraid, I can't do it

     • Sorry, not possible

22. When you see that the offer is below your bottom-line, walk away. Don't be needy. Make it clear that the person beyond the table is not the problem, the unsolved issue is.

23. Use Ackerman model:

1. • • Set your target price (your goal);

     • Set your first offer at 65 percent of your target price;

     • Calculate three raises of decreasing increments (to 85, 95, and 100 percent);

     • Use lots of empathy and different ways of saying “No” to get the other side to counter before you increase your offer;

     • When calculating the final amount, use precise, non-round numbers like, say, $37,893 rather than $38,000. It gives the number credibility and weight; and

     • On your final number, throw in a non-monetary item (that they probably don’t want) to show you’re at your limit.

24. A black swan is a hidden piece of information that, when revealed at the bargaining table, can drastically alter the course of a business negotiation and push your counterparts toward a deal

25. Black Swans are leverage multipliers. Remember the three types of leverage: 

• positive (the ability to give someone what they want); 

• negative (the ability to hurt someone); and 

• normative (using your counterpart’s norms to bring them around).

26. Use normative leverage:

1. • • Ask the party what they believe in and show them that their actions are not clearly aligning to what they speak or believe in.